Word For It. . .

2Chronicles7:14-“If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.”

Dog Errand (Jokes)

Posted by wordforit on April 19, 2008

*Dog Errand*

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.

He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, “Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please.”

The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog’s mouth there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog’s mouth.

The butcher is very impressed, and since it’s closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. It does, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

Along comes a bus. The dog goes and looks at the number, notices it is the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

The bus travels through town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!

There’s no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. “What on earth are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for goodness sake!”

To which the guy responds, “Clever, my foot. This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*4 Year Ceiling*

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country’s greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old woman with her. At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling.

“Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted.”

“Oh my”, the grandmother says. “He and I must have the same landlord.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, “Good morning Alex.” 

“Good morning Pastor,” he replied, still focused on the plaque.

“Pastor, what is this?” he asked.The pastor said, “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked, “Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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One Response to “Dog Errand (Jokes)”

  1. […] Read the whole thing here. Apr 19, 2008 | | Uncategorized […]

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